Am I even alive?

Have you ever felt the days go by and you wonder if life is suppose to happen like this? You wake up in the morning, go online, search for some entertainment, do your homework, and do the same damn thing the next day. Can't there be anything different? Do you wish for anything different? In truth, I don't even know. 


Have you ever done something wrong? Even if it's a small tidbit. The guilt coils up inside you and clutches onto your heart. The weight is so much to bear that sometimes you wish to scream out and say "Let it go! You have to let it go! I can't breath! Please!" Well, that was how I felt yesterday and right this very second.What did I do wrong? Many things. I am a person who wishes she could commit to anything, yet doesn't do the necessary things to get it started. I hardly finish anything I start (unless I feel my life is on the line like my College work, etc.). Does that simply mean I'm a nutcase who can't do anything right? I agree so. I am the type of person who screws up her own life by herself and instead of trying anything to do something about it I merely sit back, watch, and enjoy the show. Why? Because I'm an idiot. 

So am I even alive? When I grow a brain someday, maybe I might consider myself alive, but right now I am not alive. I am not awake. I am simply hibernating and waiting for spring to come along so I can wake up and improve my life instead of waste it. Hopefully, spring will come early.